During the course of the lesson for over 15 years I have experienced many shameful moments. One year passed last year when I could not switch off the microphone of my tab during a bath for a class for a class. (Fortunately, I used the sink and not the bathroom.) Of course it was not a serious mistake not to turn off the microphone, and yet I felt quite embarrassed.
shameAnd the emotions related to shame come when we violate a moral code or a expected pattern, so we are shame and shameCheatAn exam or if we do it wrong. This feelings come when we ask ourselves how bad others should think about us.
Shame and shame are not pleasant to experiment. But they have a useful purpose. Studies show that we are probably more careful and friendly and that we are also more motivated to correct earlier mistakes in the past when we are ashamed or ashamed.On one level it is good that we take care of what others think about us.
But it is also true that most of us guilty to worrytoo muchAbout what others think about us.studies showThat we constantly overestimate how bad others think about our shortcomings. An unfortunate consequence of the fact that we are much less inhibit and much less spontaneous and happy than we do.
The good news is that many of us seem to recognize this problem.Luck CourseSometimes I ask the students to list all things they want from the class.
How do we get what others think about us?
I found that the next three principles can help.
Work from the other focus
How I commented on anotherCornerWe are a painful social art. Example of so manyFour of the five processesIf you continue at the end of the brain, it is about our relationships with others. We are very concerned about others because our happiness depends on the quality of our relationships.A studyHe found that all last people had at least one intimate relationship in the 10 % happiest 10 % of the participants; if they want to be among the happier 10 %, the big relationships are not a luxury, but a necessity.Another studyThey found that the two main activities of the 25, which we routinely perform, e.g.B. Eating, driving, conviviality, work, involvement of other people.
Therefore, there is a good reason to worry about what others think about us. We will be in their good books so that we can develop and nourish our relationships with them. Our concern about what others think about us comesTemerSo that we can be unprotected by friendsprivacyThis fear can be useful in some cases. As I have already mentioned, shame and shame can motivate us to behave more carefully or adequately and increase the possibilities that others like.
But if the fear is too high, it can also be counterproductive.AngstWhich leads to necessity and uncertainty, which in turn removes others. This can promote aVicious circleUltimately, which leads to a loss of self -esteem and social alienation.
- What is fear?
- Find a therapist to overcome anxiety
One way to break this vicious circleAnother centeredinstead of selfish. If it is consistently friendly and considered, it will be less worried about what others think about them. There are two reasons.Do what others think about them.
Second, even if your actions are misunderstood or leading to unforeseen negative results, you will know that your intentions will eventually be paved with good intentions with good intentions. This gives you mental freedom to worry about what others think about you.
Is it worth concentrating more concentrating, just not to worry about what others think about them? Here is good news: it is not only a reinforcement of happiness, but also a successful reinforcement.It is more likely that it will be successfulIf you are a donor instead of an insured person.
Essential measured values of anxiety
Fights with turbulence while flying
Do you look at TikTok videos about Health triadies?
Realize that people hurt people
This is not a typographic mistake: to hurt peoplemakeDamage to humans. I even do everything to be friendly and taken into account.Others can be judged negatively by others. This is not a reflection of their defects; it is a reflection that others come.And therefore their concern for reducing what others think about them.
However, this means that this principle, the negative judgments of others, must be used with caution, as we do through numerous knowledge in the knowledgeSelf -service -It is easy to blame others for their own failures, which should be sure that they do not put their real defects aside just to feel better. It is important to be brutally honest with yourself: was itReally considered and friendly? Am I illusory about it?
The third thing I could do to no longer worry about what others think about them: develop attention control.
Develop attention control
Sometimes they can see that the negative judgments of others are justified: they are simply wrong, but that does not mean that they have to turn shame and shame forever. Catholics have an ingenious way to get rid of shame and shame and unproductive shame: oneTo confess priests, but if you are not lucky enough to be Catholic, you can practice what researchers callAttention control.
Attention control is what it seems: to be able to control what pays offAttentionA. Impl practice the ability to draw your attention to the things you want to concentrate from the things you don't want to concentrate.
Perhaps the best way to practice attention is throughConscience.TrotzTotal attention does not work for everyoneIt is still a very powerful way to develop attention control because I can confirm personal experience. The only inconvenience of complete attention is that it can take at least a few weeks to make progress.That is worth the moment, and the earlier it starts, the better it will be. Another secondary advantage of full attention is that it develops greater self -confidence, which can be useful to prevent self -department.
If you want to try out an attention exercise, you will find a call herePresentMay my good friend Vijay Bhat developed for meLucky course. They will find it particularly useful when it leads a harassed guidance,StressfulLife and never fully attention.
If you do not draw attention to full or useful attention, there is an alternative to develop attention control:Diving in actionAs Goethe said: "Act has magic, strength and grace." One reason why action has magic, strength and grace is that it helps to focus on their attentionGoalsThat they try to achieve instead of what others think about them.
But what kind of action should you take to focus on what others think about them?
It would suggest that these things help them nourish their side, which focuses on the other, friendly and compassionate.gratitudeI do these things that lead you to what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi callsFlow.
Do a lot about what others think about them may weaken, but these three things can help:
- More consistent from the other focused operations
- Realize that people hurt people
- By developing attention control, you can overcome this tendency to worry